Anino ng Boses

Anino ng Boses

Ang pagdating niya sa aking buhay ay parang pagdaan ng isang anino.

Mabilis, mapusok, at sa isang iglap, lumipas na parang panaginip.

Sa sandaling panahon na nasilayan ito ng ilaw, nagkaroon ito ng sarili niyang buhay,

sarili niyang anyo, ngunit sa huli,

 iiwan ka rin nito.

       “Ikaw ba yan? Ikaw ba talaga?” eksayted kong tinanong ang boses sa kabilang linya. “Oo, ako nga!” tumatawang sagot ng lalaking tila galing sa balon ang boses. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa aking naririnig. “Hello?” malumanay na pagsabi ng boses. Malaki at malalim ngunit mayroong nakakakiliting tuwa sa boses ng nasa kabilang linya. “Hello?” matamis na pag-uulit niya.

         Ngayon lamang ako nakipagtalastasan sa isang lalaki gamit ang telepono. “Hello” tahimik ngunit ang mga ngiti’y abot hanggang tainga. “Sigurado ka ba na ikaw ‘yan? Ang laki kasi ng boses mo at ang lamig-lamig”. “Hmm, ayaw mong maniwala? O sige, makinig ka ha.” Kinikilig niyang sabi. “Hindi ba ikaw si Tala, labimpitong taong gulang, pangatlo sa anim na magkakapatid, nasa huling semestre sa kolehiyo, kumukuha ng Electrical and Communications Engineering sa Mapua at ah, ahm, ang babaing pinakamamahal ko??! O ano, okay na ba? Ako na ba ang iniisip mong ako?” tumatawang sabi ng boses. “Oo na, ikaw na nga!”

         Tila wala ng makakapigil sa nararamdaman naming dalawa. Ito na yata ang matagal ko ng hinihiling, ang pag-ibig na para bang niyayakap ang lahat ng emosyon na maaring maramdaman ng isang tao, parang saranggola na naglalaro sa hangin.

            Hawak ang telepono, pahikbi akong nagtanong sa boses sa kabilang linya:  “Ikaw ba yan? Ikaw ba talaga?” Tatlong taon na pala ang nakalipas: “Kapag sinabi ko ba na ako pa rin ito, may magbabago pa ba?” Matigas na sagot ng boses. “Isa pa. PLEASE.” “Matagal na akong bumitiw. Hindi na kita kayang akayin pa.”  Tatlong taong pagmamahal na kumupas sa pagdaan ng panahon. “Baka pwede pa natin ayusin?” “Ikaw ang nagsabi, ayaw mo na, kaya ayoko na rin. Ang gulo ng isip mo. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang totoo o hindi sa mga sinsabi mo.” “Ayaw mo na ba talaga?” durog na boses kong tinanong sa taong  nasa kabilang linya. “Pagod na ako. Madami akong iniisip ngayon, ang daming problema sa opisina, pati si inay may sakit. Magulong-magulo na ang isip ko, huwag mo ng dagdagan pa.”

            Biglang naglaho ang lahat ng nasasaid na pag-asa sa aking mga labi. Hindi ko na maalala kung gaano katagal ko bago napagtanto na mahabang katahimikan nalang pala ang kausap ko. Pag-klik ng telepono ay agad akong pumunta sa aking kwarto. Ni-lock ang pinto, humiga sa aking kama at nilunod ang mukha sa mala-yelong unan. Dibdib na wari’y sasabog sa bigat, ulo kong mala-tumor sa sakit, mga luhang ino-ondoy sa tuloy-tuloy na pagpatak. Masama ang loob ko, masamang-masama. Sa sobrang ngitngit ay ang sigaw na gusto kong ilabas ay tila tutang nabahag ang buntot. Ang utak ko ay nakalutang sa kawalan, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat gawin. Gusto ko uling marinig ang kanyang boses, ang boses na una pa man ay napakasaya, napakasigla, puno ng pagmamahal at liwanag.

            Kring kring kring kring “Hello?” sambit ng boses “Hello?!!” sambit muli nito “Hello!!!!!!” inis na isinigaw nito. Bumalot muli ang katahimikan sa kabilang linya. Nag-iba na ang boses. Hindi na ito katulad ng dati.

            Malamig, madilim, tahimik. Nawala na ang boses na aking ginigiliw, ang aking sinisinta, ang naghahatid liwanag sa aking mga tainga. Wala na ang boses. Wala na. Parang anino na kay dilim, kay lamig at natuyot ng pagmamahal.

epic fail

I was planning to change my template but bloggie keep failing. It appeared as a "bad request". I was stuck for like 30 hours uploading my template and just keep failing again and again. I decided to give it a rest for a while and blog the template instead. Oh and btw, I plan to change my bloggy address as www.blewjeans.blogspot.com I hope blogspot will be kind enough to grant my tiny request. :)

Not Like the Movies

BLOGGIE 1

These entries are long overdue. I made these reflection journals for one of my major subjects and my professor was quite smitten over it. I would like to share the original entries and post it here but as you’ve read my previous [entries] I feel really lazy and sluggish and tired to upload and scan the original copy.

You’ll be reading the soft copies of these stuffs, instead.  

Enjoy reading my quirky, perky and lovely inhibitions about life, love and the universe. 

Magkaribal: A Family Tragedy

          I have always been a fan of international TV series but not the local dramas. I don’t know, but I find them too shallow to even watch. For me, local dramas are full of unreal, illusionary and boring details of mundane era tasks of the battered Filipino. However, there are a number of local drama series that would really pinch your heart and make you watch it all throughout. Those shows that instill values to its viewers, those that teach people how to live and accept life’s unimaginable events. 

          Shows like May Bukas Pa was one of my favorite local drama series by the way.

          And so, last night was the premiere telecast of one of ABS-CBN’s newest drama series, Magkaribal.I don’t know why I watched it. It was so banal, I thought to myself. Magkaribal summarizes the story of two sisters who, in search of a complete family, were separated by a tragic fate. Dreadful isn’t it? So why did I even bother to write it down? Because the story is so captivating, I become inspired and saw the other angle of a family tree.

          Anna and Angela are sisters. Their mother is a seamstress while their father is an OFW worker who then had an affair with Vera, his mistress. Though their father had left them, they maintained the close-knit family system.  Anna, Angela and their mom were living happily together. This only proves that a broken family, though incomplete, could also survive even without the other who left. And that the local maxim, “Tumayo akong ama’t ina sa aking mga anak” is indeed true.   
                                                            

         Ate                          

           I once questioned my being the eldest in the family. I always felt that I am the one who  was always left out and ignored by my parents. There were instances where my youngest sibling talked back at me and my parents just told me to ignore it because he was just a kid and I’m the eldest; that I should be more open-minded because I’m older. Yes, older. I have always hated when my parents say those lines. Forget it, ignore it, let him be, let them be. They’re younger than you; they still don’t know what they do. Blah, blah, blah. It’s just tiring. I thought they were being unfair. 
          But I was wrong. Being the eldest, you have a lot more privileges than the younger ones. You’re first in everything. First love of parents, first baby, first to buy new things and young ones only have “hand-me-down” things, and the best thing is, you’re first to learn things. You’re first to go to school, one who knows how to read and to write. It’s just amazing how your younger siblings look up to you with those sparkling eyes and ask you how do you do this and that, how come you can write and they can’t. It’s just wonderful and I think I owe it to my parents.

           Being the eldest gives you much more edge than the younger ones. In my early years, my parents basically taught me everything, and the first thing that I would and could not forget is responsibility. Being the eldest means you have to be responsible. Responsible in everything you do and in everything you say. You cannot just think of yourself because you have younger siblings that look up to you, that you have to take care of, and in some case, that you have to feed when your parents are not around. For me, being the eldest is being a second parent to your siblings. You cannot only think of yourself, but you must also include the younger ones in your life.

           Being an ate means so much to me. Yes, you gotta hate it sometimes. Sometimes I would think I’m being punished. But then, looking back to what I’ve been through, being ate is your edge in life. You’re trained to live life the way it should be-the best.

See photos after the jump!

DEMENTED

You know the feeling when all you want to do is bum all night and surf the net?
Wherein you wish time could just pause for a fuckin sec and leave you just the way you want to be.
Do you get me?


Tonight, my life is a trash.
I'm pretty sure, one way or another, someone feels the same way.
Can you feel me?


I don't even know what I'm writing about.
My fucking brain lags down, running, slowly disintegrating, crashing.
See what I'm talkin'?

LIVE LIKE YOU'RE DYING and NEVER STOP TRYING. 

It's all you can do.

WRITER'S BLOCK

I have always been in love with blogs.

But now isn't the time to be.

If writing blogs is a job, I guess I would have been sacked ages ago.

Yes,Yes.

I am a very very lazy person.

Yes, Yes.

I am a total neurotic.

And yes,

I have a lazy ass that compliments my lazy brain.

So there.

STUFF........

For the meantime, I'll just keep myself busy blogging stuff. I know blogspot could handle my ranting. So guys, suit yourself. This'll be history. HAAA!

I'M DOWN! :( SOOOO DOWN!!!

Gaaaaah! Wonder why i'm down? :( down, really fukcing down? :( Please blame  TWITTER !!! I know it has been announced days before but dude, maintenance is so effing slow. Twitter is my shock absorber. It never fails me. I just hope it's up soon. Real soon, I mean!